I often go through cycles, a personal scaffolding of learning, where I find tools that work really well for me and then slowly drift out the habit. Usually it's some negative event or feeling that reminds me I've stopped using a tool that works. When I return to that tool, if I take time to reflect on why I stopped using it, I can strengthen my ability to stick with it. (I'm reminded of a phrase I learned in my training as a psychotherapist: Relapse is part of recovery.)
Take, for instance, my bullet journal.
Lately I've been so scattered. I have been anxious trying to keep all my lists straight--on my phone, my computer, scraps of paper, those lists I have yet to write down... My system needs a major re-org. And so I am reminded of my bullet journal, this beautiful system that is not only a tool for efficient planning but a pacifier for my mind.
Bullet journaling is a style of record-keeping, planning, organizing, agendizing, and archiving developed by Ryder Carroll. His website www.bulletjournal.com gives a full description of how it works for him and how to use it as a tool in your own life. In a nutshell, it's a system of to-do lists that are kept bulletpoint by bulletpoint. There are many devotees to this journaling system, and you can find forums (fora for my Latin-lovin' and/or grammar-schtickler peeps) on Facebook where people give all types of tips and express their love for this system. On YouTube there are also several videos dedicated to bullet journaling, including my own video (plug! plug!) which has somehow become popular on the intarwebs. (A big thank you to anyone who has ever viewed it!)
What I love about the system is that it is adaptable. For someone who either struggles with or doesn't like routine, a system that allows the user to skip large periods of time and then return is a big plus. Traditional pre-printed agendas don't often work for me because I use them for a few weeks, and if I return, I have a stack of unused pages. It's a waste of paper, and I often end up feeling like I've failed at record-keeping. (I should probably take that to therapy, I know, I know.)
I'm happy to say that after a day of using my bullet journal system again, I'm already feeling confident and calm. I have everything I need--a traveling command center--with me in my bag. And it is completely mine, completely suited to my needs.
Showing posts with label personal care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal care. Show all posts
Monday, March 30, 2015
Saturday, May 4, 2013
The Domestic Overwhelm of the SAHADDer.
SAHADDer: The Stay-At-Home ADDer. Being a stay-at-home parent comes with its own set of challenges, but throw some ADD in the mix and it can be completely overwhelming--especially when systems in place go all hinky. I recently experienced a particularly bad case of Domestic Overwhelm, when a system that was barely functioning became overly stressed with the addition of a brutal cold that sent us in a tailspin. Have you ever treaded water to the point of exhaustion? Hopefully not, but it's the perfect metaphor to describe where I was. Head barely above water. And it was raining. And the swells were huge. And there were sharks!
The dishes were piling up, the trash was overflowing, the guest room had become the dirty laundry room, I was incredibly cranky, exhausted, cognitively fuzzy, emotional, and I couldn't get over that hump to crank up the system again. I was feeling pretty isolated because all my socialization was halted by the state of my house and mind. My kids were suffering, my husband was carrying work and domestic stress around... It just was not a pretty picture. Sleep deprivation is a terrible trigger for ADD, and I have my share of it with a one-year-old who still wakes up frequently in the night to nurse. The chronic deprivation of rest is, as a good friend put it, like a repetitive stress injury. It needs to be treated gingerly, like any other injury, while it heals.
Well, my friends, I'm happy to say I'm emerging from the Domestic Overwhelm, and I've learned a few things about getting systems functioning again when everything is out of whack.
Start with some practical, body-double help. If you can swing it, hire a housecleaner and an organizer. Hire a night nanny. If you don't have funds to spare, trade childcare with a friend to get a few hours to yourself. I hired a mother's helper, the teenage daughter of a friend, to spend a few hours at our home a couple days a week while I take care of my needs. My needs? Cleaning up the kitchen uninterrupted, preparing dinner, taking a nap, organizing the garage, watching a movie in my bedroom, taking a bath, looking out the window, playing in the garden, writing letters, paying bills, making phone calls, doing art in my studio, taking a walk alone with the dog... Anything I can do where I can find myself a little.
It's important to rule out physical conditions that might be contributing to your exhaustion. Anemia, hypothyroidism, vitamin D deficiency... Any number of conditions that are easily treatable could be causing you to slump. If you're being treated for AD/HD with medication, check in with your doctor about your dosage. Additionally, a psychiatrist can be immensely helpful in determining if you're suffering from depression and would benefit from medication to help get you back on track. Consult with a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist for talk therapy options, which can often be just as effective as or boost the effectiveness of an antidepressant.
Another thing that really helped me over the past couple weeks was finally deciding that even if I can't keep a clean house in the way I wish I could right now while my internal resources are so limited and what little resources remain are prioritized for my children, I don't have to isolate myself from my friends. I tell my friends "please take it as a compliment that I'm letting you see how my house is. It means I trust you not to judge me!". If they really love you (as they should, because DUH! that's what true friends do!), they will be understanding of your struggles, and you will benefit from the support.
I was depleted. My spirit was starving. Without having time to take a spiritual breath, I wasn't much use to anyone. I was spending so much of my day in a state of half-there. I was half-there for my kids while I tried to clean or cook or organize, and there was no time for those self-care tasks that require privacy, like bathing, movie-watching, writing... This meant my batteries were never recharging, and I was sacrificing my already precious sleep to have some alone time after everyone else was asleep. I was spending my day feeling like a shitty person for not giving my kids the attention, clean house (within reason), nutritious food, or present parent they needed.
The addition of a mother's helper is new, but I already feel in my gut that this is a turning point. After a few hours with our helper, I noticed the difference in the happiness of both of my boys. I noticed the happiness of myself. As for my visit with my doctor, my blood panel came back from the lab showing my T3 was low, despite my already-being-treated-with-medication TSH levels being normal--a long way of saying that my body was still hypothyroid. The double whammy of being hypothyroid (which causes lethargy, lack of motivation, dull skin, sleep disturbance, and depression) along with a lack of adequate time to care for my self hit me hard. But we're back on track now, with a stronger system in place!
The following are some very helpful snippets of information compiled by About.com ADHD Blogger Keath Low, a psychotherapist specializing in ADHD:
Moms with ADD
Parenting with ADD
Self Care Tips for ADD Parents
The dishes were piling up, the trash was overflowing, the guest room had become the dirty laundry room, I was incredibly cranky, exhausted, cognitively fuzzy, emotional, and I couldn't get over that hump to crank up the system again. I was feeling pretty isolated because all my socialization was halted by the state of my house and mind. My kids were suffering, my husband was carrying work and domestic stress around... It just was not a pretty picture. Sleep deprivation is a terrible trigger for ADD, and I have my share of it with a one-year-old who still wakes up frequently in the night to nurse. The chronic deprivation of rest is, as a good friend put it, like a repetitive stress injury. It needs to be treated gingerly, like any other injury, while it heals.
Well, my friends, I'm happy to say I'm emerging from the Domestic Overwhelm, and I've learned a few things about getting systems functioning again when everything is out of whack.
Get help.
Start with some practical, body-double help. If you can swing it, hire a housecleaner and an organizer. Hire a night nanny. If you don't have funds to spare, trade childcare with a friend to get a few hours to yourself. I hired a mother's helper, the teenage daughter of a friend, to spend a few hours at our home a couple days a week while I take care of my needs. My needs? Cleaning up the kitchen uninterrupted, preparing dinner, taking a nap, organizing the garage, watching a movie in my bedroom, taking a bath, looking out the window, playing in the garden, writing letters, paying bills, making phone calls, doing art in my studio, taking a walk alone with the dog... Anything I can do where I can find myself a little.
See a doctor.
It's important to rule out physical conditions that might be contributing to your exhaustion. Anemia, hypothyroidism, vitamin D deficiency... Any number of conditions that are easily treatable could be causing you to slump. If you're being treated for AD/HD with medication, check in with your doctor about your dosage. Additionally, a psychiatrist can be immensely helpful in determining if you're suffering from depression and would benefit from medication to help get you back on track. Consult with a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist for talk therapy options, which can often be just as effective as or boost the effectiveness of an antidepressant.
Let others see your mess.
Another thing that really helped me over the past couple weeks was finally deciding that even if I can't keep a clean house in the way I wish I could right now while my internal resources are so limited and what little resources remain are prioritized for my children, I don't have to isolate myself from my friends. I tell my friends "please take it as a compliment that I'm letting you see how my house is. It means I trust you not to judge me!". If they really love you (as they should, because DUH! that's what true friends do!), they will be understanding of your struggles, and you will benefit from the support.
What I learned:
I was depleted. My spirit was starving. Without having time to take a spiritual breath, I wasn't much use to anyone. I was spending so much of my day in a state of half-there. I was half-there for my kids while I tried to clean or cook or organize, and there was no time for those self-care tasks that require privacy, like bathing, movie-watching, writing... This meant my batteries were never recharging, and I was sacrificing my already precious sleep to have some alone time after everyone else was asleep. I was spending my day feeling like a shitty person for not giving my kids the attention, clean house (within reason), nutritious food, or present parent they needed.
The addition of a mother's helper is new, but I already feel in my gut that this is a turning point. After a few hours with our helper, I noticed the difference in the happiness of both of my boys. I noticed the happiness of myself. As for my visit with my doctor, my blood panel came back from the lab showing my T3 was low, despite my already-being-treated-with-medication TSH levels being normal--a long way of saying that my body was still hypothyroid. The double whammy of being hypothyroid (which causes lethargy, lack of motivation, dull skin, sleep disturbance, and depression) along with a lack of adequate time to care for my self hit me hard. But we're back on track now, with a stronger system in place!
Helpful Links
The following are some very helpful snippets of information compiled by About.com ADHD Blogger Keath Low, a psychotherapist specializing in ADHD:
Moms with ADD
Parenting with ADD
Self Care Tips for ADD Parents
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