Stumbling down the stairs with our feet in our mouths: ADD & AUUS*

L'esprit d'escalier (literally, staircase wit) is a French term used in English that describes the predicament of thinking of the perfect comeback too late.

Is there a term for saying something you realize later was the wrong thing to say? Maybe "l'horreur d'escalier'? Or just plain "stumbling down the escalier"? Most people say the wrong thing every once in a while, but if you have ADD, chances are this is a more regular occurrence. Like this morning, for instance, when an older gentleman complimented my toddler son's hat, and I quickly responded "thanks! I love dressing him like an old man!" Not horrible, but after I said it, I wanted to crawl in a hole for a second. (ZOMG I said "old" to an old person!)

He makes a durn cute old man, though.

Allow me to introduce you to my little affliction, AUUS* or Awkward Unfiltered Utterance Syndrome (a made-up illness I have acronymed to lend credibility, obv). You may be familiar with it as "Foot-In-Mouth Disease".

I get anxious in social situations. I have social skills and I hide my anxiety, but I also sometimes trip up, like when I'm tired, which lately is always. My anxiety is intrinsically linked to my fear of saying the wrong thing. I have anticipatory horreur d'escalier!

What's happening in my brain?

Normal people have filters that stop them from saying the wrong thing. ADDers have neurological differences in the prefrontal cortex of the brain--the area that, among other functions, controls impulses and filters our thoughts before we utter them--so we stop ourselves from doing or saying those faux pas (faux pases? faux pahzez? foe pauses?) that might rub others the wrong way. Imagine how much more difficult social situations are for ADDers when we can't rely on our filters to keep us from putting our feet in our mouths. Our prefrontal cortices actually function at a slower pace. The addition of stimulants allows the filter which monitors behavior to speed up and begin to function correctly, which is why stimulants seem to slow ADDers down. But don't take my fuzzy sciencey word for it, listen to a real scientist.

Forcing Adagio

I'm laying in bed as I write this, pinned under twenty-seven pounds of sleeping, nursing baby. I'm reminded that at times, our rhythms don't naturally match the rhythms of those who depend on us. As much as I'd love to be up and doing weekend tasks that prepare us for the week, my tired and cold-fighting child needs me right now. He is sleeping the staccato sleep of someone whose periodic cough keeps rousing him from a deeper place of rest, but my presence allows him to keep trying to get there. In turn, I'm feeling myself slow down, face my impatience, and breathe. We're a symbiotic little mother-child dyad!

Fruity Crab Salad

Menu planning. I'm trying to get more organized about it. Here's an attempt! A new tag called "recipes" where I shall list my very favorite recipe creations so I can easily access them when I need a menu planning fix.

Last night's dinner was a refreshing & fruity paleo salad creation:

2 oranges

2 kiwis

1/2 pint strawberries

1 can lump crab meat

1 head butter lettuce

1/2 C sliced almonds

1/2 C coconut

1 Tbsp grapeseed oil

Chop lettuce. Cut kiwis, strawberries, and one orange into bite-sized pieces. Toss with crab, almonds, and coconut. Dress with the juice of remaining orange and a drizzle of grapeseed oil.

The honeymoon is ovah!

Been a while, eh? I lost my steam.

I began this blog as an exploratory project so I could learn more about ADD as I got used to the idea that this may be an accurate diagnosis for me. I was so very excited at the prospect of having an explanation for why some things are so hard -- and others so easy for me. During the last few months, reality has set in and I've begun to see the limitations of what it means to have ADD and how much harder everything is and always will be for me than for other people.

That last sentence brought up some feelings for me.

Part of me still holds on to the belief that this is all just an excuse for bad behavior. I just need to try harder. Other people try hard and accomplish a clean house, bills paid on time, non-anxious interactions with other humans, regular meals consisting of healthy food, avoidance of sugar, emotional self control. How can I assume it's so much easier for them? Welcome to my pity party! Life is so hard for poor me!

This is what I'm struggling with right now.

The honeymoon is over, but additionally, I'm chronically sleep-deprived and exhausted with a preschooler who just turned five and a baby who just turned one. Baby still sleeps with us and I wake up several times a night to nurse him. I'm formulating a plan to get him over the night-nursing, but I'm kind of dreading it because *duh, transition* and I also don't want anyone to suffer during the weaning.

But my lack of sleep has so severely exacerbated these ADD symptoms that I don't believe it's even possible to accurately attribute them to ADD.

And that, my friends, is what I've been up to lately.

Plus also these adorable munchkins:

Guest post from my mom: Me, Meds, and ADHD

I was so excited with my response to Focaline (ritalin). I was thrilled to be freed from impulsive eating and food cravings.  Also, my body felt noticably peaceful & my husband noticed I was calmer.  This began last Thursday. The following Tuesday I noticed some unusual breathlessness as I was climbing a tiny incline to an evening meeting.  Later that night my heart seemed to be pounding.  The next morning I knew my heart was both racing and beating irregularly.  A cardiologist confirmed I could no longer take this or any related medication.

So, bummer.  I'll be meeting with the ADHD doc within a few weeks to see if there are any alternative ADHD meds I might try.  It's not the end of the world if I can't. I've made it 67 years without.  It was just a nice experience to know what it's like to eat like a "normal" person.  I'll simply continue working through the Weight Watchers Program.

Binder Round-Up

Part of my monumental family organization binder project is finding something inspiring to put all my hard work into. Here are a few options.

1. Aurora GB Kraft Essentials 1" Binder $9.99 on Amazon.com
2. Naked Binder Pouch $1.50 each at Naked Binder
3. Greenroom Recycled 1.5" Binder $7.69 at Target
4. Round 1" Project Binder $7.50 from Naked Binder
5. Guided Products ReTab 8-Tab Divider $5.35 on Amazon.com
6. Martha Stewart Home Office 1" Binder $5.99 at Staples 

I especially am in love with the Naked Binder products. Do you have a favorite binder?

Rewards and chore charts

I am loving our new chore reward chart! It's only been three days that we've been using this new system, so talk to me in a month about longer-term effectiveness. I have to say, though, that last night's "Mommy, can I help with dinner?!" and "I have to find some clean socks so I can lay out tomorrow's clothes" were music to my ears. Did I say music? I meant the complete works of Mozart, Beethoven, and Bach. This bodes very, very well.

Chore Chart.

The chore chart (even in my head when I say that, it's a tongue twister) has eight categories:

1. Using the bathroom alone (Bubs is capable of this, but loves mommy or daddy to help out. Mommy and daddy don't love this, however. We do still check him, but he takes care of the business.) 
2. Bubs gets a ten-minute warning when it's time to put toys away. 
3. Each day has a different cleaning chore assigned. (Sunday is a free day, what with being the Sabbath and all. I'm a big believer in a Sabbath day, no matter what your religious beliefs. A day that forces you to slow down and be mindful? We all need that.) The chores in this section are watering plants, helping with laundry, scrub cleaning, washing dishes, tidying up the bedroom, and vacuuming.
4. Feeding the dog
5. Having a helpful attitude. This especially applies to self-initiated helpful tasks, like unloading the milk delivery unprompted, or being particularly cheerful, polite, appreciative, charming, etc.
6. Helping with dinner
7. Doing the morning routine (see note)
8. Doing the bedtime routine (see note)

Note: One of my all-time favorite home organization bloggers, Jen Jones of iheartorganizing.blogspot.com, has made her morning and bedtime routine charts available for free download here. She also has an array of beautifully designed home organization printables for purchase in her etsy shop. Check her out!

Treasure Chest.

I've given Bubs a glimpse of the toy prizes I have in the treasure chest, in fact, he helped me pick them out in the store, so he's sure to like them. (All items were under $3--a ball, an eraser, silly putty, stickers, a wall clingy/crawler, pencil sharpener, etc.) I tried to collect items that weren't flimsy junk and that would encourage creative play and activities.

Reward Activity Cards. 

He also helped me come up with reward cards. Man, is he jonesing for the card that lets him be the boss for a half hour! I printed these cards, laminated them, cut them out, and keep them in an envelope attached to the bottom of the chart. The way I've arranged it, it's possible for Bubs to get a prize twice a week if he meets all the goals on the chart. He can choose a card or a toy.

The chart and the cards are available in .pdf format (you'll need Adobe Reader) for download under "Free Printables" in the side bar.

 

Just a word about reward systems in general.

Some approaches to parenting don't support the use of reward systems, in part because it creates the expectation of a reward for doing what should be done anyway. I believe in using rewards to set up good habits. When a kiddo can do these tasks independently and has internalized the rhythm, so-to-speak, rewards aren't needed anymore. Of course, as an ADDer, I know sometimes an "external brain" is needed to replace wonky executive functioning, so this type of approach might be a lifelong assist.