Guest Post: My Mom

Hi, this is Miriam's not-yet-formally-diagnosed-with-ADHD mother.  I am a child mental health specialist, and I never picked up on my own children's ADHD diagnoses. (I wasn't a child mental health specialist then, but I don't know if that would have made any difference.)  For many years, including when the kids were little, I have been a practicing psychotherapist; yet, I didn't pick up on my own ADHD issues.  (Of course, it didn't take me long to see that my husband, the other genetic contributor to my children, clearly demonstrated ADHD characteristics. How did he EVER get through seminary and 4 years post-graduate psychotherapy training without hardly cracking open a book?  He still doesn't like to read, except for brief blurbs, and gets books on audio by the dozens.)

I was surprised when Miriam's sister was given the diagnosis about 3-6 years ago and even more so when Miriam reported that she, too, had ADHD. After all, both kids did well in school, met developmental milestones on time or early, showed no significant behavioral problems, had friends, etc. Miriam's sister was particularly organized as a kid and even could complete homework assignments early. At times, her behavior was almost compulsive. Her organizational skills suffered as her life became more complicated with marriage, children, and dogs; I was still surprised by her diagnosis, even doubted it. Miriam was not that organized, but usually completed needed tasks. She did, however, have an ongoing habit of waiting until the very last second to finish those tasks. Neither were fidgety and almost-hyperactive like their dad tends to be. Both could focus very well when interested. Recently, two of four grandchildren have been diagnosed with ADHD.

After Mim told me of her diagnosis, I began to wonder about my family of origin. My father, a tool and die engineer, showed no tendencies whatsoever (unless you count not finishing the downstairs molding in their home of 20+ years -- until just before they sold it.) My mother, a pianist, choral director, teacher, and homemaker who ran a smooth household didn't either, or did she? She WAS usually running around at the last minute before any scheduled departure to insure she didn't forget something. She often bumped into objects, bruising herself, breaking toes more than once. Details often eluded her (like forgetting to remove bobbypins before leaving the house). She could lose focus with interruptions, except when she was hyperfocused. (She could play piano for hours, for example.) Neither of my sisters, I think, show any symptoms.

OK, so ADHD rarely just "shows up".   Almost always, someone in your family has it. Four of our six progeny have been diagnosed. Mmmmmmm..... One of my parents, I now think, at least one of my mother's siblings displayed ADHD type symptoms. Without going into boring detail (I also use more words than I need to get my thoughts across.), I can say with almost total certainty that I have been one of the contributors to this gift that we have passed on to our children and grandchildren. I expect be formally diagnosed next week, but I have so many symptoms that I'd be shocked if I don't meet the criteria.

So what difference will having an ADHD diagnosis make in my life? Since viewing myself through the ADHD lens, I notice that I have more self-acceptance. It explains why, even though I always had one or two best friends and other friends, I felt different from the other kids and often "not as good as". I never understood why anyone ever voted for me for class positions. It helps me understand why I've done some pretty impulsive things, why I often show a poor sense of my body in space (bumping, knocking over, etc.), why I am always losing certain things, why I am so easily distracted, why I'm almost compulsive about keeping my environment orderly (but this is inconsistent), why I did some of my best college studying as I sat at my receptionist desk in a very loud factory, why I'm so sensitive to sounds, fabrics, and smells that don't seem to bother many others, why transitions can be so tough, why I can hyperfocus for long, long periods on tasks that interest me or that I'm determined to complete. (I notice I laugh more when either my husband or I demonstrate some kind of ADD behavior -- ditto my kids and grandkids. I think of Flip Wilson -- older people remember him -- and his "The devil made me do it" skits.

This diagnosis doesn't give me any less responsibility for my words or other behaviors, it just helps me with acceptance.

Of course, I know that most people can probably find some reasons to wonder if they have ADHD. I realize, that despite my many years of age (67), training (4 years of grad/post), and experience (around 30+ years), I can still fall prey to the sophomoric view that I have every neurosis or problem I study.

So this is my, albeit wordy, introduction. I'm delighted that Miriam came up with the idea for this blog. I enjoy reading whatever she posts; she is a clever writer. I look forward to reading comments from all of you.